


Red Wedding

by achluophobia



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Death, Dissociation, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I PROMISE IM NOT WEIRD ABOUT IT, M/M, Memory Loss, Not Beta Read, Not RPF, Other, Piglin Hybrid Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Weapons, Weddings, Winged Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), accidental murder, but not permanent, its not rpf i prommy, why did ranboo and tubbo make their wedding romantic PLEASE it makes tagging so much harder.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 07:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29747130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achluophobia/pseuds/achluophobia
Summary: Red Wedding -A total disaster; an event resulting in complete change of fortunes among rivals involving immense loss on one side.or:Tubbo and Ranboo fail to consider their guest list might not be happy about the new couple.
Relationships: Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo/Toby Smith | Tubbo, Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), why did they canonise it as romantic please helpm e
Comments: 43
Kudos: 501





	Red Wedding

_Dear Technoblade: Save the Date!  
You are cordially invited to the wedding between Tubbo Underscore and Ranboo!  
Please attend Church Prime for the ceremony, and feel free to join us afterwards at the Bee’N’Boo Inn for a reception!  
The Wedding will be held on…_

Techno crumpled the letter, tusks bared as he tossed it into his fireplace, not even bothering to read the rest of it.

Phil tucked his own invitation into his pocket, and sighed. 

-

The time came and went, and his anger only festered as the wedding drew nearer. Ranboo didn’t even stay in his tundra home anymore - he’d run by every so often, pick up a few things and check the farms, and leave again. He had even moved his pets away, despite the treacherous nature of taking them through the Nether. Techno watched from his windows every time the Enderman wandered past, his ears taut at attention. The voices _loved_ Ranboo. Insisted they were brothers - that Techno should love him, too. But Technoblade had decided far earlier - no one chose what he fought for. Not even the chatter in his ears. Even as they pushed for him to go talk to the tall boy, pushed for him to train him like a sensei again, Techno wouldn’t do it. They weren’t even friends. They were business partners. Hardly even knew eachother - more like associates. The voices never listened when Technoblade insisted on it, though. 

Maybe they’d regain their bloodlust so he would only feel that sick satisfaction that slaughter brought when he snapped. Maybe he’d convince them to call for blood so he wouldn’t feel guilty when he killed the boy’s new husband.

Maybe he didn’t care what the voices said anymore.

He left the window to go hone his axe, and tried to ignore the memory of how he got it.

-

The wedding day itself was… 

He wasn’t sure he would go at all, despite his resolve when he got the invitation before. But Phil wanted to - and despite the knowledge that Phil was close to Ranboo, Techno had his suspicions of the kid. Especially now - knowing what kind of company he kept. So he resolved to go, to at least… keep an eye on them. Not like the Angel of Death needed his protection - but Techno’s paranoia wasn’t always unfounded. Besides, the chat seemed placated and happy knowing he’d attend. It was easy to keep his thoughts and opinions to himself, since they only ever cared about what he said out loud. Keeping quiet about this was something he was well-versed in. 

_Not wearing armor would be an annoying problem_ , he mused as he looked in the mirror, _but nothing he hadn’t done before_. He’d take down an army with a wooden sword and shield if he was determined enough. He considered simply bringing a set along with him, keeping it hidden in the small hammerspace everyone called an inventory… even if it was particularly disrespectful to do so at a wedding. Not like Technoblade planned on being respectful. He adjusted the crown on his head, nestled between battlescarred floppy ears, examining himself. It had been a very long time since he’d been invited to a party - or a formal event at all. Phil insisted they always have formalwear around, though, so a smart-looking suit adorned him now. It was flattering - if a little bit dusty from disuse. He brushed the shoulders off.

He tried to ignore the pleased feeling of gratitude from being invited by name to an event this big. It wasn’t meant to be a fun day. He had an idea of a goal he wanted to complete, not just hang out.

“You good, mate?”

Techno bristled at being snapped from his reverie, glancing over to the shorter man. Phil was dressed similarly - though he wore a capelet over his suit. He always wore something like that, nowadays. In the past, he never covered his back, proudly displaying his black and white mottled wings. It was one of the rarer mutations Techno had seen - no one was quite sure what kind of hybrid he was. Techno certainly didn’t care. But the past was long-gone now, and he knew Phil didn’t like showing his wings anymore. He’d given up his flight for a man who demanded to die anyway, a pointless sacrifice. And while the burnt, broken limb was hard to look at, it was harder to bear, half of Phil’s back covered in painful scars. It was horrible to treat, afterwards - and even Technoblade hadn’t truly gotten to see even how bad it was. Phil didn’t show even him the full extent. He kept the wings hidden because they hurt, but not always physically. At least everyone seemed to respect his decision, even the people who hated the tundra dwelling pair. 

“Just hopin’ they’re not gonna ask for a speech.” 

The room was silent a moment. Both of them knew that wasn’t the reason Technoblade was tense.

“Why Tubbo, Phil? Couldn’t he have gone with anyone else? I thought Ranboo was a good kid, you know.”

Phil sighed, crossing his arms and shrugging. All of this fighting was pointless - there was nothing to fight over anymore. But he knew Techno was set in his ways, and he’d follow the Piglin’s lead. He always did. They'd known eachother, fought together, been allies so long that it was easy to fall in line. 

“It’s not to spite you, mate. They love eachother. Have you seen the way the kid smiles talking about Tubbo? Just let ‘em be. Ranboo _is_ a good kid,” he insisted, despite knowing Techno wouldn’t listen.

“Let them be? Phil, you’re goin’ soft on me.” He grumbled, but then shook his head, clearing the voices of concern and suspicions that clouded his mind. “I’m not gonna hurt Ranboo. Jus’ leavin’ it at that.”

At least the voices cheered at that. They had been so loud, so supportive when Technoblade called out Tommy’s betrayal, but he had a feeling this time was different. _The voices adored Ranboo._ Almost to the level they admired Philza, though the strange Ender-hybrid had only shown up in their tundra a few months ago. The voices didn't care about the time it took to become allies. They’d never let him hear the end of it if even a scratch got on the lanky Enderman. They’d cause hell for his mental stability. Phil seemed unconvinced at the Piglin's vague words - he’d seen the fire in Techno’s eyes when he got the letter confirming the marriage. If not Ranboo… 

Someone was going to die today.

“You’re not going to the ceremony, are ya?”

“No, like I said, I don’t wanna be roped into givin’ speeches. I’m not especially well-liked there, Phil. I’ll make an appearance at the end, so you can head on over. Tell me when it seems like a good time. I dressed up ‘n everythin’.”

Philza gave him a strange look, one he hadn’t seen in a while, and nodded. They didn’t need to talk to understand - a silent go-ahead. No matter what happened, they’d always work together. They only had eachother anymore. The Angel of Death left the home first, and the Blade busied himself while he waited for a message to come by.

-

“Technoblade?!” Tubbo gasped, eyes wide as the Piglin nonchalantly entered the church. 

“We - we talked about - about inviting him, Tubbo, I remember writing it down,” Ranboo attempted, reaching to grab his new husband’s hand. “It’s fine!”

 _All eyes on me,_ Technoblade thought, as the small congregation all turned to look at him. _Feelin’ a bit pressured, here._

He was very pointedly not being stared at by Philza, who’d messaged him moments before that the pastor - Jack, who’d said he was holy enough because he’d literally come back from the dead - was about to ask about objections to the marriage. Luckily, the Piglin was fast enough to arrive just after the line was said. What a dramatic entrance, gathering the attention of the guests who'd come to the event. But not Phil. No, Phil was taking advantage of the attention Techno was getting to sidle out of his pew, out of the way if anything happened.

“Uh… hey, guys. I uh… object?” 

Maybe he should have prepared a speech.

“What?!” 

Both Tubbo and Ranboo shouted, giving eachother a look of surprise and horror, before looking back to Techno. The Piglin shrugged, and he pulled out his axe, his gaze turning to an aggressive glare. Once he'd said it, he was confident in his words. No, he didn't need to prepare anything... he knew just what he'd say. Just how to end it.

“Yeah. I object. Ranboo, you betrayed me. I thought you of all people wouldn’t choose a side.”

“Wait, wait - this - Techno - this isn’t a… a s-side,” he stuttered, grabbing Tubbo’s arm to pull him back, trying to protect the shorter boy. “It’s not - love doesn’t choose sides! I’m choosing people, people I care about!”

“You’re choosin’ Tubbo?! He would’ve forced you into murderin’ me, without trial, without even listin’ my crimes, and would’ve made you watch! I don’t care about your little speech, Ranboo, I don’t. But I’m a person, too! Don’t you care about me? You can’t have both of us. He's not got your best interests in mind, Ranboo!”

“Y-you…”

The crowd was starting to murmur, people putting together what was going on as Techno strode into the mass. From behind the altar, Jack picked up his sword. Techno tried not to laugh. Manifold was not his target - not today. Besides, if the man attacked him, he would lose. Both Jack and Techno knew that. _Everyone in the room knew they’d lose to Technoblade._ No one was supposed to bring armor or weapons to the wedding, it had said on the invite, Phil had messaged him later - but Techno doubted everyone listened. It was a strange crowd - Niki, Phil, _Fundy and Quackity_ \- Techno grimaced at the sight - on Tubbo's side, Captain Puffy, Foolish… he noted, strangely, that Tommy of all people wasn’t here. Probably for the best - Techno didn’t really feel like killing him today as well, having promised to attack him on sight. He knew Tommy was a religious man, had prayed and rang the bell constantly in exile, and yet seemed horrified at stepping foot into the church of Prime when Techno had asked. He had wondered back then - if Tommy had done or heard something to make him dislike the holy land. 

Not like Techno cared about Tommy.

The voices were blaring now, and as always, quite divided in their opinion. His ears rang. Every time the voices started screaming, the tinnitus came with it. They shouted for Tubbo’s life, shouted to kill him on sight; and they shouted for mercy, shouted to let the wedding proceed. Shouted that if he took action here against the once-president, it would start a war.

They screamed to let Ranboo be, no matter what he did to Tubbo.

That’s fine. He’d said he wouldn’t hurt Ranboo - and he wouldn’t. As much as he was angry about the betrayal, as much as he wanted to shout and attack and feel the Enderman suffer, he couldn’t do it. Ranboo had been the only one to bring him gifts back, give him information and understanding, other than Phil. And while Ranboo was terrified of Techno, they had a going professionalism - neither would ask about the other’s business, and could keep the interactions light and fun without talk of politics. But now, he shied away again, gaze flickering wildly around the room. From Technoblade’s face, to the axe he held tightly - the one Ranboo had given him, to Tubbo, to the church’s blessed doors. Techno tried to shake the dread in his heart, his expression dark and tusks bared. He didn't care if he fought another war alone. This time - this time it would be on his terms, and he would be his own weapon.  
“I said… I object. Ranboo… step back.”

The Enderman hybrid seemed frozen, stiff and scared, and yet he gripped Tubbo’s hand tighter. Trying to protect him. If Tubbo died here, that’d be it. No respawns, no more chances. Jack had been lucky, and no one thought it would ever happen again. Ranboo didn’t think he could handle seeing a phantom of Tubbo like Ghostbur, either. 

“N-no.”

 _“Ranboo.”_ Technoblade warned, his tone dangerous.

Behind them, the crowd rustled. Techno saw Phil move from the corner of his vision, feeling the comforting pressure of being back-to-back with the ‘fallen angel’ soon after. His feathers rustled under his cloak, and Techno knew he wanted to spread his wings - make himself look bigger, block out the scene Techno was about to make - but he wouldn’t do it. He was still quite on edge about bringing them out in any battle. That was fine. Techno was just pleased they still had eachother’s back… even literally. 

“Surely not? Technoblade?” Tubbo squeaked, letting his hand slip from Ranboo’s as he backed into the altar.

“Techno-“ _Jack._

“Jack, you can’t!” _Niki._

“Don’t move.” _Phil._

“Please, wait!” _Ranboo._

The chattering was unbearable. Both in his mind, both in the church. The people shouting was fading, though, as the voices layered in the back of his head and let him zone out. Niki and Jack were shouting at eachother from around Phil, Tubbo and Ranboo were pleading with him, the rest of the congregation was somewhere in between. And yet, finally, _finally,_ it all just sounded so far away. So distant. So irrelevant. The only thing he could hear was the ringing in his ears, and while the only thing he could see was Tubbo raising his arms in defense, back to the altar, all he could feel was the heft of his axe as he raised it high above his head. There was a blur of motion, as he brought the weapon down, his eyes a gleaming red, and his blade glinting purple as Prime herself with magic. A sickening crunch filled his ears and soothed his roiling thoughts as he brought the axe down. As black blood splattered the room, he idly remembered that it was against the law to kill in the holy land. Yeah, whatever. Laws. Cringe.

…

Black blood?

He snapped back to reality, to someone screaming. Under him, Ranboo’s gangly limbs wrapped around his new husband, his white suit slowly coloring a deep vantablack, a deep wound across his spine. A slice, clean and fatal, from his shoulder to his waist. Tubbo was the one screaming, he noted, horror and grief in the small boy's expression as he tried to hold up Ranboo from collapsing. Techno stepped back. No. No, it couldn’t be.

“I didn’t… What did you do, Ranboo?” He almost whispered, staring. 

The Enderman just shuddered, pulling Tubbo closer. Almost trying to pull himself up. He could only move one arm, and he winced with the effort. “Couldn’t let … couldn’t…”

“No. No! I promised I wouldn’t hurt you! Ranboo, you were supposed to be the one I was protectin'!"

“Couldn’t let… Tubbo die… on his wedding,” Ranboo mumbled, as if Techno hadn’t even spoken. His voice was slurred and awkward, his body a dead weight in Tubbo’s arms. 

“It was your wedding too, big man, you can’t - please - just hold on! This was our big day! Please, please! Ranboo, just hold on!” The once-president begged, tugging Ranboo closer to his chest even as blood spilled from the Enderman’s back at the motion. Ranboo gave a pained gurgle, his eyes wide, gasping at the movement.

No one should be moving Ranboo like that. His injuries had to be treated. He couldn’t be clutched tightly right now. He was too heavy for Tubbo to pick up. Too lanky for someone of Tubbo’s stature to carry. He needed someone else to help. He needed to be taken somewhere safe. Someone needed to bring him to a doctor. No one could move him recklessly, or he’d bleed out in seconds. Someone needed to bring a doctor here. He couldn’t stay in Tubbo’s grip. He was already bleeding out. His spine was cracked. He was going to die. Techno had to save him. He had to. This was all for him. Even coming here was for Ranboo. Techno was going to finally get rid of Tubbo and let everything devolve into anarchy just for him. He was going to save him. He was going to save him. He was going to save him. 

Almost instinctively, Technoblade reached to pick him up, but-

_“Don’t you dare touch him!”_

Tubbo shrieked, and Techno backed off, eyes wide. His hands felt like they were on fire. The axe weighed in his grasp and he dropped it like he’d been burned. Someone grabbed his arm.

“Run.”

Phil’s voice was clear, cutting through the rising bile and panic in Techno’s chest. He’d never been guilty over a kill like this before. But he let Phil grab his wrist as the crowd began to notice what had happened, let Phil drag him out of the church as fast as he could go. They ran, even as the people gathered began to shout and give chase. He couldn’t think. He could only hear the voices as they screamed, a din of thousands in his ears. For the first time he could remember, they didn’t cry for blood - for the first time ever, they hated seeing it spilled. For the first time, they were totally unanimous, and it was a feeling of guilt and shame and horror deeper than Technoblade had ever felt. It was only one of three lives, but Ranboo was never supposed to lose any of them. Not to Techno. Not while Techno stood. No, despite his denial, he wanted to protect the kid from danger every time he saw Ranboo flinch. And yet... 

Tubbo’s shrill cries of despair still broke through the cacophony, and the fleeing anarchists didn’t even look back as they ran. 

> **[Ranboo was slain by Technoblade.]**

-

Distantly, Ranboo wondered why he woke up aching more than he ever had, and wondered why he had a ring on.


End file.
